It starts with a train crash, of course. It ends with a series of trim, pomade-smothered, grey-haired white men and a smoke monster. 

In between, cayenne pepper dogs, live long and suture, ficus, the Master Hand, sleepy flute, and 12 angry cats are also discussed.

It begins with soapy abs. It ends with a jackpot. In between, hoverboards, naked sand lady sculptures, the power stick, Globo Corp, hot zones, and Marty Dollar are also discussed.

A man with two ears and two eyes becomes paralyzed from the waist down as a result of a horrific T.J. Hooker sniper and subsequently creates a battery-powered suit that allows him to walk for 30-40 minutes, depending on how many podcasts he is downloading and how many invisible dinosaurs are chasing him.

Dark Man, Blanka, Mr. Box, Dr. John, Markieff Morris code, and Harvey’s bush are also discussed.

David Carradine battles grizzled old men on the Western Frontier using his Shaolin Monk skills... or sometimes just by spread-eagle leaping off things, or sometimes just by getting tied up with a rope and left near really sharp, jagged rocks. 

F. Nick Flare, Chinese Leonard Nimoy, 1870s Emergen-C, straight razor shave fighting, and Mongolian tombs are also discussed.

Jennifer Garner and co. take five seasons to get to Mongolia and find Sloan’s red ball of infinite life that floats in the air when you put a magical toilet seat under it. 

Rufflin’ Mark Ruffalo, Ahmad Rashad, Dustin Johnson, Blue Bloods, sad jaw guy, and the Renaissance man of Mongolia are also discussed.

Spooktacular mid-October to sometime in November continues with the cult classic Buffy the Vampire Slayer! Girl power!

Penn & Teller, Phil Helmuth, 24, Tru Calling, Raw Reality, Sprung Monkey, fighting jeans, and Mount Mazama are also discussed.

Synth music, white linen suits, cigarette boats, and LSD alligators... it's time for an '80s classic, all 145 minutes of it.

Vin Diesel, Jurassic Park, brandy beef, Calderon’s locker room presence, Jabba Housewife, and The Matrix are also discussed. 

Jack Bauer is back at it, givin' speeches and takin' names, even if he can't make a proper pancake. But will the Iranians cut off the Middle East oil supply? Will Kal Penn be swept away in a Tsnaumi? Will Emily get sniped, or is she really the sniper? And, most importantly, will Jack's son go to Georgetown or Stanford?

24, Road Trip, hair curtains, Dave DVDs, 24, Benny Hill foot chases, Diana Taurasi kingdom, Grover Cleveland, 24, Paul Newman, and hoodies are also discussed.

Bra, listen to this, bra, you don't want to spend a life behind not listening to this, bra, trust me, bra, I've been there done that, bra, there's no end to that tunnel except a room without a view, bra. Strike one, two, and three.

Ozzie Osbourne, Steven Seagal, Real Housewives of Miami, hot balloons, Omar, and McDonald’s playpen photoshoots are also discussed.

Dark days on the beat got you down? Mucked up that whole warrant thing again? Sad because your wife is too hot for you? Upset that you sold your baby on the black market? Try bursting into song! Guest star Kelley returns for a very special musical series with plenty to talk about, if Jon would ever shut up about his breakdancing skills.

RoboCop, Joe Cocker, Glen, Sheryl Crow’s trailer, and ponytail Steve Zahn are also discussed.